Earlier Thoughts

    Past

Almost five months in my mandantory service, I'm still convinced getting drafted is the best thing that has happened to me.

Before, I had no plans, dreams, hopes or thoughts concerning my future. As far as I was concerned, the future was just a black hole ahead of me, which I was better off avoiding completely. Days, weeks, months passed. Each and every day a waste, which I gradually ended up despising myself for. As that happened, I felt guilty for feeling bad - knowing that I live in such great circumstances I shouldn't even have the right to feel so bad.

This, combined with my fear for the future resonated with each other. The self hate grew exponentially over last fall, and I isolated myself so as to not have to deal with any of it.

    Boot Camp Reboot

Starting as a recruit at boot camp was in complete contrast to everything I had experienced before. Regardless of the initial shock, I felt I fit right in to the military format. I had no problem following orders and giving 100% every day - a skill that was necessairy to keep spirit up with long, hard days, and officers yelling.

In the beginning I thought I'd work hard so as to not get a really shitty job (like being a guard), but after a while they released a list of positions available for applying to. Amongst many others, there were one opening for a graphic designer.

Now, before this I though "as long as I get a roof over my head and an internet connection, I'll be fine", and those were my only criterias and goals that drove me to do my best. After I found out I could work directly towards my goal and build up plans for my future again, I sparked and went out of my way to make sure I'd definitely get that position.

At the time, we were something between 500 and 750 recruits at the camp so I knew the competition would be tough, should just a few of them apply. I would have to be number 1. The best. In the end I never got to know how many applied. I've spoken to a few that admitted they'd applied, but according to the administration here there wasn't really a contest.

    Service and Summary

I've been working as a graphic designer for almost three months at the time of writing this, and I've come to realize I've grown a lot as a person these last five months. I've learnt a lot about myself and my career of choice, and I'm confident I have lot coming up for me during my stay here.

More than anything else, I'm thankful for being pulled out of my personal evil spiral, and to have some meaning to my days and life. I'm positive towards my future and I've got a clear idea on what it looks like.